"Quiet Time"

   If you have been around the Christian church for very long you have heard people talk about "quiet time". Some may refer to this as "time alone with God", their "devotional time", or time spent in the "prayer closet". All good phrases and nice ideas. All constitute the idea of showing up to spend time with God. There are as many tools, ideas, suggestions, and recommendations for when and how you spend this time as you can imagine. I don't really have anything new to add. 
    I was just looking back at some of my journal posts from this week. By the way, "journaling" is very high on the list of things to do when you are having "quiet time". 
   Anyway, I was looking at my journal posts and see where I have chosen to make a deliberate change in my "quiet time". 

     I  invited God into my quiet space and sat with Him. It's a re-start. And I've said I want a do-over. 
   This is different than having quiet time, or reading my bible or praying or writing in my journal. This is quieting my heart, my mind, my actions and just resting with God. I symbolize the start of this time by lighting a candles. Symbolic of the Light of the World, bringing Light into my heart, God shining His Light on me. 
   First I take a few deep breaths. I hardly realize how shallow my breathing usually is and how often I'm not breathing but tensely holding my breath. Then     I specifically ask God to be with me - 

   Holy Spirit take control

   Take my body, mind and soul

   Put a finger on anything that doesn't please you

   Anything I do that grieves you

   Holy Spirit take control

(These are some lyrics from a song. I don't even know how I know those words - but that's where I start.) 
   As different thoughts enter my mind I just release them to God. I acknowledge them - yep - there's that fear, anger, hurt, frustration. And instead of dwelling, ruminating, worrying, trying to figure out the answer - I let it go. 
   And as my mind quiets I soak in the presence of God. 
   Then I read Scripture and read just to the point where God speaks to me. If you have "quiet time" you will become familiar with God "speaking" to you. For me it's usually just a strong sense in my spirit that God is pointing something out specifically to me. That's when I pause and just sit quietly with the Scripture. 
   
When it is time to close I pray. Ruth Haley Barton writes this:
   "Fortunately, if we have done our resting, things are starting to shift so we are getting clearer about what we want. In Elijah's resting, he gained clarity and resolve that had been impossible for him to find when he was desperately tired. This is true for all of us. Once we get a little rest, we start to get our perspectives back. Rather than reacting to everything around us, we start to have a sense of what is truly called for in our life." (p. 86) Invitation to Solitude and Silence

Weeds

resilience

the ability to recover quickly from setbacks

Today while I was busy with projects - and pulling weeds - I was thinking about whether I am resilient. 


Initially I thought I'm not all that resilient. I haven't been working in the area I want for a few years. It doesn't seem as though I am doing what I am "wired" by God to do.  


But does that mean I'm not resilient? 
No. 


I don't know anyone who doesn't have frustrations and setbacks and times when it seems as though nothing is going our way. Frankly, sometimes life is an out and out disaster. 


Being resilient means we keep going. I do that. I may not get it right all the time, but I keep trying. Some of the things I have intended to do haven't been done. But I am still in the game.  


I still know that I am going to continue to follow Jesus and help facilitate the spiritual journey of others. 


It's going to look different but the purpose is the same. I will continue to write. I will continue to look for and walk alongside those who are spiritually seeking. And I will be creative. 


Weeds and resilience have a lot in common. 





It's all in the roots.





Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, 

       whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
       that sends out its roots by the stream.
       It does not fear when heat comes;
       its leaves are always green.
       It has no worries in a year of drought
       and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8

What am I doing?

In this book author John Ortberg poses the question:  
"What am I doing that I could not do apart from the power of God?"

It's a good question.
Ortberg suggests if you don't have an answer to that question then perhaps you are "seriously under-challenged".  Just think about it. How often do you (and me) tend to know (or at least think we know) that we can handle whatever comes our way?  Consequently we have a sense of strength and confidence in our abilities.

Until the bottom falls out.

Ortberg writes about the Apostle Peter and his walk on water. He speaks of the faith Peter had to possess in order to take that first step out of the boat. But because it was water walking, something we all KNOW we cannot do, Peter's faith had to be in Jesus.

He had to take the first step out of the boat before Jesus could lend his support, or help Peter actually walk on water.

Many artists renderings of this event place Peter sinking in the water. And he did.

But before he sank into the water - he had to step out of the boat and walk. Commentaries say that when Peter had his eyes on Jesus he was able to walk. When he took his eyes away and focused on his circumstances -- he sank. Peter is often depicted at failing.

I don't think so. Taking the first step is often the hardest. Thinking, considering options, making plans and setting goals - that's the easy part. Taking the first step - actually starting. That's the challenge.

Now I agree, taking the next step, and all that follow can be tough, too. Keeping my eyes on Jesus and where he is leading is primary.

Back to the original question -  "What am I doing that I could not do apart from the power of God?"

Looking at my circumstances, relying on God for direction, and finding the courage to take the first step in following him.   

Off you go!

                 It was a Monday when I lost my job at the hospice. Lost my job is an interesting term. Lost implies that I can look  for it and find it. Maybe it’s under a bush or in the closet.

                I didn’t just lose my job. I was terminated. Fired. Let go.

                Now everyone has a story when they are fired and I’m no different.  Two weeks before I was fired I was advised that I had to have a more definite schedule. Monday through Friday, instead of the flexible schedule I had working 34 hours per week. Then the "executive director" said that a 3% raise had been approved. Oh, and by the way, it would be okay to increase from 34 to 40 hours per week..."just let me know". 

                So I thought about it and decided to go to 40 hours a week. The director received verbal notice from me the following day and written a few days later. Interesting, though, he did not respond to my response!

                Until January 11, 2010. 8:30 a.m.

                “Are you ready to meet yet?” 

                "I didn’t know we were meeting,” I replied to the executive director.

                “Weren’t you notified by your supervisor?”

                “No. But I’m available,” and followed him to his office.

                Where the financial officer was waiting. No small talk. It only took a  moment for the director to launch into his spiel. Probably well rehearsed, four people “let go” last week alone.Long and short of it, they decided to “terminate things now” rather than “go forward” as previously discussed.  

                In prior conversations with the executive director and company owner I had expressed my desire to look for additional or different responsibilities within the hospice. Our case load has a large volume of advanced dementia patients and sometimes those interactions left me drained. And dissatisfied with the work.  I like a little more interaction throughout the day than this type of patient is able to do. None of my conversations with  management would have led me to think that honesty and desire to help the organization in others ways was a bad thing. 

                However, the executive director informed me, “The decision has been made to terminate now and not go forward.”

                Basically he said, “off you go”.  Turn in your ID badge, company issued cell phone and off you go.

                “Is there any severance pay?” I foolishly inquired.

                “Well, you will get an early payout,” he said.

                “Early payout?”

                “Yes. We will put your final check in the mail and you will receive it in three or four days. You won’t have to wait until Friday.”

                Apparently he didn’t think I would recognize this as “no”. No, there is no severance. Just like there was no warning or opportunity to change.

                Incidentally, the “early payout” wasn’t. The day before payday – being the last day the check could arrive early – I notified the company that I had not received it. The check arrived three business days later than the actual payday.

                "I lift my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth."  Psalm 121

How to do something hard

Sunday I spent the afternoon hiking with Rebecca and Crystal. Piestawa Peak has an elevation of 1200 feet in 1.2 miles. An added challenge is that the steep uphill has stair-like jagged rocks. About 3/4th of the way I was breathless and my legs were aching. Left on my own I would have turned around.

In recent weeks we've also hiked both trails at Camelback. Hard stuff. More for me than for Crystal and Rebecca. But I did it. Yesterday, though, I wasn't so sure that would happen. My mind wasn't in the game and it hurt! I wanted to stop. This was hard. Harder physically than Camelback. So how did I get it done?

1. Support team - Rebecca and Crystal were patient and encouraging.
2. Clear goal - there came a point where I could actually see the summit and my energy was renewed.
3. Keep going - even when you don't feel like it... if what you say you want is what you want.

Today I set a goal for myself to accomplish certain things I say are important to me. Halfway through it seemed as though everything that could go wrong was. I went for a walk. I questioned if I should be bothered with this particular activity. I called Deborah -- she said keep going. I did. And I did what I said I would do today, as hard as it was. Woohoo!