Why worry?

I can preach it but sometimes I don't live it. Being content whatever the circumstances is hard work sometimes. I say I trust God and I believe He will take care of us and in fact, He always comes through. Why do I worry?
We now have a place to move and a moving day! June 30th. We found a great house in Gilbert and they were asking $200 more a month in rent than our planned budget. So Wes, being Wes, offered them $200 less. And they accepted! I've never heard of someone negotiating rent but we are moving into a fantastic house. Same 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch type we've had in the past but this also has a den and a living room. The decor is such that the owners could leave all of it and I wouldn't change a thing.
Moving day should be interesting and hot! Somewhere in the 100s so we'll be hiring someone to do that for us. I'm excited, I can't wait to be in Gilbert and get connected with people there and with the church.
Matthew 6:34
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

My Hope Has Been Tested This Week

Hope may be something no one can take from me, but this week I just about gave it away. And all because of circumstances.

We're looking for a place to live in Gilbert, AZ. I'm appointed to a church staff there (as a volunteer) and looking for paid employment. Wes is preparing for a trial in Ohio and then will prepare to take the bar in Arizona, looking for work for himself.

We have looked at several homes, put in applications and just missed with the timing. It actually seems harder to rent than to buy. We have one application pending this morning as I write this. I dread having to continue looking.

My employment is uncertain; I want to move forward. I'm disappointed that what I'm called to do brings with it so many obstacles. Churches that ordain women seem to mouth their affirmation more easily than their actions demonstrate. So I have to remember why I do what I do. I asked God "if your yoke is so easy and your burden so light...why is this so hard?" That's when I realize I'm looking at man and forgetting that a supervisor or denomination is not in charge of my future. God is.

Hope springs eternal.

Psalm 25:4-5 Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

You Hardly Know Me

I had a rather disturbing phone call this week from someone who has known me for a long time - basically my entire life. And yet she hardly knows me. I believe she cares about me and asked if she could make some observations. I said yes. I listened. And I thought, you hardly know me. I wanted to explain, to describe the real me. Maybe I just needed a reminder, so perhaps what follows is more for me than her.

I haven't talked about this much with you although I try. My fear of rejection or misunderstanding or disapproval stops me. This is too big, too valuable to me to risk that.

Being called to ministry is not a career path I chose. Describing how I know I am called is difficult. I did not hear an audible voice, see a burning bush or have an out of body experience. In my heart I heard God tell me what to do. In my experience God closed other doors. In real life it has been affirmed by those who know me and have seen me or been a recipient of my ministry; it has been publicly confirmed in ordination.

You said that it appears that perhaps I am looking in the wrong place for fulfillment. I understand it looks that way to you. You have so often seen what appears to be failure and obstacles in my path. And it's true, I may have to do something else to financially survive.

Being a woman in ministry is complicated. Following this calling - even though it is from God - does not mean there will not be obstacles or that the way will be easy. Churches that accept women in leadership and ordain women still tend to be mouthing words far more than they practice them. I regret that you see this part of "the church", but it is there.

My specific area of calling is to facilitate the spiritual journey of others (adults) and possibly more specifically, women. I do this through writing, teaching, speaking, and listening. There is nothing else I would rather do - even with the hurdles and lack of opportunity and low (or no) pay. I live to help people connect to God and each other and to help remove the "junk" that interferes with those relationships. I'm working on getting that "junk" out of my way too.

What's So Amazing About Grace?

I just finished reading Yancy's book, again. His focus is on grace - how much we need it, how little we deserve it and sadly, how hard it is for us to extend it to those who differ from us. And it is brimming with hope.

Finding myself quite discouraged about "The Church", Yancy points me to Jesus. While I find living the life I'm called to challenging, full of missed opportunities and disappointment in self and others, Yancy reminds me that God's grace doesn't fail. I am struggling to capture the words to describe what I believe Jesus teaches us about living the life He does, and Yancy directs me to grace. Receiving it - giving it. Not deserving it but accepting it. Loving self, loving others. Being truthful about sin and bountiful with grace. Being forgiven and forgiving.

If you have never read any of Philip Yancy's books, this is a great one to start with. You will experience a full range of emotions and find items to agree with, get mad about, and think long and hard about.

I think "The Church" gets so much wrong so often because we miss grace. We forget the basics. We judge and pronounce verdicts and claim superiority.

I want to choose to focus on the basics - love God, love others. Be gracious.

Romans 15:13 13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

HOPE has a name.

Hope is one thing no one can take from me. This was pointed out by Carol in her comment to my previous post. And she's right...no one but me can take my hope away. God won't. Other people cannot...actually no one but me can lose my hope.
And I have come dangerously close at times. Wondering, waiting, knowing God is my Provider and thinking...almost believing...that He's not there. That He's forgotten me.
But that is not the truth. The last couple of years when everything has been in turmoil, only hope in an unchanging God has kept me going.
I'm in a funk as I write this, physically tired. We're looking for a new place to live, again. Looking for new employment, again. Wes is going to Ohio for a trial and then will be studying for the Arizona BAR. I'm appointed to the staff at church where I want to be yet financially must work elsewhere. Wes is in a good place with his health, but we wait, again, for the magic three month test to assure us of that.
All of this change, some brought by our choices; others because of circumstances we could not control. And wanting to be settled, to make friends and have relationships and stay in one place for a long time.
Hope has a name - Jesus.
But those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

What is HOPE anyway?

I got to thinking this morning that if I'm going to write about HOPE I should be sure I know what it means! I've been clinging to hope, talking about hope, and being hopeful. Today, I wasn't so sure I knew what I was talking about. So just to clarify here are some dictionary definitions:
1. A wish for something with the expectation of fulfillment.
2. To look forward with confidence or expectation.
3. A desire and search for a future good, attained with God's help.
4. A feeling of desire, usually with confidence in the fulfillment of the desire.
5. To expect with confidence.

I think you get the idea. In my own words HOPE might be described as optimism, more confident than a wish, and with some certainty of future attainment; expecting the best - for good reason.
You might ask - optimism in what? Confident about whom? Is it a good idea to have hope about anything we think we want? What is worth putting hope in?
HOPE for the spiritual journey is all found in Jesus Christ. Hope in anything else has the potential to disappoint, hurt, fall through. God is the only One that will not disappoint.
Now I admit, it might seem at times like God has disappointed us. Usually that's because we see with our limited perspective, not with God's eyes. That takes me to Psalm 25. "No one whose HOPE is in You will ever be put to shame."
My Lord and My God, my hope is in You. I know I can rely on You, depend on You, trust You. And I can do so with no fear that I will be put to shame as a result.
How? Because I am learning that the truths found in God's Word do not change and are true just as much for me and you as the day those words were spoken.

Hope for the Journey

It would seem I am entering a new phase of my journey. A journey, unique perhaps in its circumstance, but not unlike yours in that it involves change and uncertainty. The past several months have included frustration, loss, grief, fear and lots of growth. Gotta love that growth! Now I am ready to move forward - whatever that includes. And since the journey is always better shared, that is what I'll be doing. Letting you in on the good/bad/ugly that comes my way. And, letting you in on what sustains me. Planning to share with you my thoughts, opinions and feelings and hoping you will interact and share yours with me.

For several months I've been trying to adjust to changes...changes in ministry, relationships, where we live and life in general. I've explored new options, grumbled at what hasn't gone as desired, and held on to the only hope there is - Jesus.

Hope is what has kept me going. Hope is sometimes all I've got. All you've got if you have experienced circumstances that are beyond your control, not of your choosing and often painful.

HOPE. Where else can I go?

Job said Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him. (Job 13:15)
Ever felt that way? I have. Cut down, slaughtered. Wondering, "how will I ever get up again?" HOPE.

I'll be focusing on hope and why HOPE is what sustains my journey. Here's hoping it will encourage you!